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In Retrospect

 I finally finished my summer class and got out uber early, 9am instead of 12pm.  So that left me with a lot of free time, which is seldem a good thing when it comes to me.  With my spare time I decided to reread my own LJ and woah...It made me hate myself a little.  Not in the emo!angst ohnozz my life is so awful *tear* type way.  But rather in a disgusted holy crap I cannot believe I've been carring on and whining and being that pathetic.  And if I came across in real life even as half as pathetic and weak as I did to myself while rereading...damn how did any of you stand me?

End result = major self over haul this summer.

Seriously.  

I am well aware that I have a lot of problems expressing my inner most emotions and that I mostly use this journal as a place to vent the turbulence that goes on inside me but damn, enough is enough.  Nothing will ever change if I don't make it and I will never be happy unless I stop complaining and crying over every little thing.  Where you are will never change unless you actively decide not to be there anymore.

I can't promise myself that suddenly everything will be perfect and that I'll never feel pain or loss.  But the way that I deal with these things, that is now changed.  To mark this change in me I will be changing to a new LJ gunning_blind.  This is now a closed chapter in my life. 

Comments

( 1 Is Screaming — Break The Silence )
icexgoddess
Jun. 26th, 2008 08:17 pm (UTC)
I had the same revelation as you when I first started college

I looked back, even to my super old LJ and I was just disgusted by the way I acted and overreacted, complained and cried...but never did shit about it

Life is what you make of it...it really, really is
( 1 Is Screaming — Break The Silence )

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